Posted by: whimsigal | November 12, 2008

Does It Ever End?

Bear with me people. The first part of this post is MIL related. So, you may or may not remember our relationship with my MIL is shaky at best. Some of it is our fault and some of it is hers. We’re in a place right now where, she never calls the house to talk to the boys or check on the boys and they have to be the ones to initiate contact with her. Sad, but ok. I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to force their grandmother to spend time with them. Before Halloween, Sean took the boys over there for a visit because they had been asking to see her. For obvious reasons to those of you who read here regularly, I was not going to be the one to take them over for a visit. Well, unbeknownst to either Sean or myself, during that visit, Iain told her that they would come trick-or-treating on Halloween and she got them each a card that was waiting there for the on Oct 31st. On Halloween, we don’t go anywhere once it’s time to trick-or-treat. My mother doesn’t work so I take the kids over there early in the afternoon to get their candy. As you may recall, I got some pics of all the kids over at my mom’s house this year. Frankly, it doesn’t look much different from any other visit we have with her considering my kids are in a costume 75% of the time anyway. So, I digress. After visiting with my mom, we go home, eat dinner, wait for Sean to get home, set up our Halloween decorations in the yard and then all three of them head out to beg our neighbors for candy. I stay home to supply candy to the rest of the costumed children in the neighborhood. They come home, eat a bunch of candy, freak out, watch a movie, then go to bed. All of this without Sean or I knowing that Iain told his other grandmother that they would come over to get candy from her, too.

A couple of days later, I sent out an email with a link to all the Halloween pics I took, and didn’t get a response from Sean’s mom about them. I think I know why that is now as I was confused about it at the time. Last night, she called Sean at work to find out what to do with the boys’ Halloween cards since we didn’t bring them over like she thought we were going to. Sean didn’t know what she was talking about and she said that Iain was the one who told her that to which Sean responded, “Well it would have been nice if he had told me that.” People. Since when does a grown person rely on a nine year old to make plans? Can he drive himself there? Of course not. Why didn’t she call one of us to confirm what Iain had said? Doesn’t that seem like the sensible thing to do? I have to remind him to brush his teeth for goodness sake. I have no doubt that her feelings were hurt when my email went out with links to pictures of the boys with my mom on Halloween and none with her. She probably felt slighted. I also have no doubt that at least one thought crossed her mind that somehow I was the reason that they didn’t show up. The fact of the matter is, there is no conspiracy to keep them apart. She is the only one constructing walls here. I have emailed her countless times and have yet to receive a response to any, save one. Aside from groveling for her affection and attention I don’t know what more can be done to get her involved in the boys’ lives.

All of this is very frustrating for me. the boys want to have a relationship with her. They talk about her all the time. It just makes me sad that we have to beg for her attention. They’re going to know my parents very well. I am close with my mother and talk to her daily. They spend the night there, my parents take them out and do fun things with them, all initiated by them. When the boys grow up, they’re going to wonder why they didn’t see Sean’s mom that much and I’m not going to have a good explanation for that. Ugh.

Here’s another hot topic. Homeschooling and Obama. So, I tried very, very hard to get information from the Obama campaign regarding his stance on homeschooling. Democrats support the NEA and public education very strongly and no where on his site does he devote any space to a particular opinion on homeschooling. My requests for information were answered by reams of paper being mailed to me outlining Obama’s plan to reform the public education system and make college affordable for everyone. I got that twice. Plus they sent it to me in an email in response to one I sent complaining about the aforementioned information. Ridiculous. Today, I get this email from everyone’s favorite organization the HSLDA:
“Since the election of Barack Obama as U.S. president, HSLDA has received more than a few calls from both members and nonmembers. Some are quite concerned about the future of homeschooling under an Obama presidency…Despite HSLDA’s efforts prior to the election to get an official statement from the Obama campaign regarding their position on homeschooling, we received no response…We do know that the Democratic Party has an official position of supporting public education. The National Education Association (NEA), which is the national teachers union, is a major supporter of the Democratic Party. We know that the NEA’s position is that every child should be either taught by a certified teacher or supervised by one. Additionally, their position is that the curriculum used by all homeschoolers should be approved by the state, and children should only be able to continue to be homeschooled based upon systematic evaluation by the state.”

Ok, so scare tactics aside, I know Obama has more pressing matters to attend to when he first takes office. Homeschooling is probably not even a blip on the radar at this time. But what’s going to happen when it does show up? I’m curious what you guys think is going to happen. Are we all going to have to get certified to satisfy the NEA. God, I hope not. I have no idea where his administration would go on this issue and that perhaps is more frightening than if I knew he had a stance either way. Not knowing is so much more intimidating. If I knew his feelings or direction, at least I could begin thinking of a way to combat it. I’m still hopeful that Obama will lead from the center and won’t make any changes as far as homeschooling is concerned. The government doesn’t own my children and I just want to be sure they’re aware of that.

Ok, whew! I’m done. That was a long post for me! Hope you’re all well!



  1. Does it ever end? Probably not. It’s not you though it is directed at you. She doesn’t appear to be a happy person.
    As far as Obama, change will not happen right away. As you know I voted for him. My main reason was sort of a gamble probably irresponsible. I feel things are in such bad shape we need someone so different from W to lead our country.

  2. Joan, as far as Obama goes, I feel the same way. We do need something different than what Bush had to offer. I think overall Obama will probably be a good thing for us. One party can’t run the country forever, ya know? I’m just selfishly worrying about homeschooling because it’s so close to my heart.

    Regarding my MIL, I think you’re probably right and I hadn’t really considered it from that perspective before. Thank you for offering that point of view!

    By the way, I believe we were supposed to meet for lunch…again. LOL Are we going to do it?

  3. Sorry about the MIL crap all over again. Ugg…

    I understand your fear about how the democrats will affect home education. The democrats position on education bothers me quite a bit too. But I do think that HSLDA is in the fear mongering business a bit. I mean seriously, that’s how they make their money. The NEA’s position is a bit extreme and I really don’t see things advancing quite that far.

    As you know, I did vote for Obama because I feel confident that he is more interested in balance and representing the whole of America, not just a select few. I think, and this is just my guess, that the emails you are getting are just the standby answers for educational questions that the democratic party just sends to everyone. Maybe there isn’t an answer concerning homeschooling because regulating us isn’t a real priority right now.

    I also think that if any politician tries to pass very restrictive laws concerning homeschooling you will see droves of homeschoolers coming out of the woodwork to protect our right to raise our children as we see fit. I think it will be pretty close to the droves of folks out in Chicago on election night. We are everywhere. We are diverse. And I don’t think we are afraid anymore to make our presence known.

  4. I think there will always be an uncomfortable vibe with the MIL. She is really just hurting herself. The boys will move on and be closer with your parents.It’s sad, and confusing with your boys. But I don’t see how anybody but herself can fix this.
    As far as Obama and democrats, so many bigger fish to fry…They can’t really do too much as well, as it is really a state matter. Which is why Ct is so lax and our neighbor, NY, is so restrictive. So, I am not worried more than normal. But in all honesty, I would probably put my kids in a democratic free school and stop unschooling, if it got so restrictive, than live under republican policies. I mean I could not vote for republicans for the sole stance they have on homeschooling.I’m not sure if I got my point out, if you need me to give more info, I can!-K

  5. Carri, you’re right about the HSLDA. I consider them to be emotional terrorists almost. The only reason I quoted that message is because they had the same experience I did in regards to the homeschooling issue and the Obama campaign.

    I hate only having two parties to choose from because neither one of them represent me. I want to choose people, not a party. I don’t like the Democrat’s platform and I don’t like the Republican platform which forces people like me to either vote for Ralph Nader, or vote for the issues close to my heart which is what I did this go round. I wish Ron Paul had been able to hang in there because a lot of what he had to say resonated with me.

    K- What do you mean by democratic free school? Are you referring to public school? I would rather go to jail before doing that. Perhaps the public schools where you live are good, I don’t know. You’re lucky to be in CT where things are so lax. I guess my fear about homeschooling is not unlike the feminists fear about Roe V. Wade being overturned. KWIM? I think somewhere inside I *know* that nothing is going to change with homeschooling. It is just a little thing inside my head and I was putting it out there. I’m so glad you all came here and shared your points of view! It’s nice to be able to talk about things like this without people being judgmental or holier than thou about it.

    You guys rock!

  6. Evie-
    Oh hell no! No public school for us. It’s private, it’s like this-

    I don’t think I would have to do this, but IF homeschooling got so restrictive…. However, I think we will be fine!-K

  7. Crud, I don’t think my response went through. if you get a double post, delete one.
    No!! Not public school, we too would flee to Canada or Turkey or something!
    I was referring to this:

    And only as a last resort!-K

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