Posted by: whimsigal | September 10, 2007

Why I share my pictures – WARNING – RANT AHEAD

I share because I’m happy with my life and am experiencing such joy that I want others to experience that joy with me. What I don’t understand is people’s compulsion to critique things that are not meant to be a professional venture. Yesterday I decided to email my family with photos I had taken over the weekend of the various activities in which we participated. I’m not a professional photographer. Until July, my hands had never touched a camera with artistic intent so, I’m pretty new to the whole thing. My dad called this morning to talk to me about a different topic but he opened up the conversation by saying how much he had enjoyed the pictures but it seemed like the light was in the wrong place in a couple of shots. (((sigh))) Gee, thanks, Dad. So I call my mom and in that conversation I ask if she knew what he was talking about. I don’t really know why I did that when the best thing would have been just to leave it alone but I did. Her response was that she hadn’t seen them but my grandparents had made the same comment. WTF??? Seriously, I was sharing photos that had recorded two special family trips and of course the most critical people on my side of the family had something negative to say. Damn it! I am so tired of it. My dad has really been pissing me off lately on top of everything else. He makes little comments, just like he always has but the older I get the less I feel like overlooking it. I was having a conversation with my mom the other day and he felt compelled to barge into it with his opinion, which may as well be a fact, and then bullied me about mine. Leave me alone already! I’m freaking 35 years old and I think I’m finally entitled to an opinion. Jesus, all my life he would encourage my opinion only to proceed to tell me what was wrong with it or how stupid it was. Leave – me – alone. It REALLY makes me angry and is pushing me to a point where I just don’t want to be around him because it’s so stressful. And, the fact that he disrespects me like that in front of my kids is completely unacceptable. At this moment, I just need a break from them. I love my parents but they are driving me crazy. For the past few years they have been in a rough place but they do nothing to pull themselves out of it. They are wallowing in a pit of self-pity and trying to drag down anyone who comes by with a rope to try and help them out. It’s miserable and I just can’t stand it. They only concentrate on negative things and then say, “See, nothing good ever happens to us” when something negative happens. It’s rubbing off on me and I need a break.

I share my photos not because I’m trying to be Ansel Adams or Annie Leibowitz. I share them because there are pictures of your grandkids in there, ok? Please don’t critique them unless I ask you to. It’s insulting beyond all measure.

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Responses

  1. It’s really difficult when our parents are not as excited about our daily stories as we are!
    Um… are your family professional photographers? What’s up with the “this and this and this” are wrong?
    Hmmph.
    The grandparents that had the same comment – is this your dad’s parents? If so, then there you have it. He would have gotten it from them… as he was treated that way his whole life, and never learned a different way.
    Which is why we’re trying so damned hard today.

  2. LOL No, my parents are not professional photographers. My dad does have proclivity for thinking he’s an expert on everything though. He gets that straight from his mother.

    Stephanie, I have to tell you, I struggle to have a relationship with my family. My mom and I are close but my father, well that’s a whole other issue. He’s a bully and almost impossible to be around. My mother always defends him, unless he’s done something to make her mad. It’s a stressful situation – to feel love but not like for someone. I’ve always suspected that he feels that way about me, too. How does one resolve something like that? I feel guilt whenever I even think about pulling away. I could tell you so many stories…I just feel so conflicted.

    You’re right – it’s the treatment I received that pushes me to do better by my kids. It still won’t be perfect but it will be better than what I got.

  3. I understand that negativity thing-maybe it’s generational. My mom and aunt live together and are struggling financially since my dad’s death.

    Everything is bad, depressing, “why us”. If anything good happens to someone, they talk about how it isn’t fair. When I call, I just say uh huh. And I have to be careful not say anything good that’s happened or they’ll be on the phone with another family member saying how it isn’t fair that such and such happened to me.

    I would definitely recommend keeping a pretty good distance for a while, otherwise, you might find yourself subconsciously trying to make your dad and grandparents “happy” with you, when intellectually, you know they can’t help themselves; they just have to taunt and pick on nonsense.

    It’s jut a fault they have with themselves but this does not stop it from effecting you emotionally.

    HHmmm-or maybe I’m just projecting-I have a couple of family members like this too ; )

    -Tasha

  4. Tasha! Dang girl, it’s so nice to see you here!

    I probably will hang back for a while because as you said, the temptation to please the unpleasable is so great. Is unpleasable a word? Poetic License.

    I’m glad to know I’m not the only person out there with family members who regularly overdraw the emotional bank account. Well, not too glad because I’m not happy to hear that you have to endure the torment as well but I don’t feel so alone about it.

    The situation makes me think about the movie, Moonstruck with Cher and Nick Cage, you know the part where Olympia Dukakis smacks Cher and says, “Snap out of it!” God, I SO want to do that…..

    Thanks for commenting!!

  5. For what it’s worth, I love the pic of the sheep, and the dog taking a bath. 🙂

    Sometimes, I have to picture some family members not as their chronological age, but as their emotional intelligence age. Which in many cases is at about 3 years old. And then I treat them like I do my daughter. I don’t get mad at her, I understand she’ll throw tantrums, and set very firm boundaries. Same principle with some adults in my life.

    Keep on taking (and sharing!) your pics, I love them.

  6. Thanks, Tiffani!

    That dog was so funny! It just hopped right in there and was drinking the water while chillin’ at the same time. Totally cracked me up.

    Thanks for the encouragement!

    Evie

  7. Tiffani,

    I published your comment then realized that you might not have wanted me to so I deleted it just in case!

    Thanks for the info you provided!!

    Evie


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