I’m beginning to feel like Ebenezer Scrooge. The words, “bah humbug” are floating around in my head and I don’t like it! Christmas has in the past been one of my favorite holidays, not because I receive presents but because of all the camaraderie that revolved around the holiday. When Sean and I were first dating, he invited me over to his house on Christmas Eve and I loved it. It was joyful and boisterous. His father sat in “his” chair and his mother sat in hers like a modern day Archie and Edith, doling out gifts and jokes all in one fell swoop. The love that filled that room was tangible, breathable, drinkable. You would have had to be a soulless person not to feel it and I was drunk from it. Not only was I in love with Sean but I was in love with his family, too. Going to my in-laws on Christmas Eve and spending Christmas Day with my family became the tradition that was honored for many years. Three years into our relationship and three months before Iain was born, my father-in-law passed away. We still had Christmas Eve at my MIL’s house but obviously things had drastically changed. After Ryan was born and Iain was a bit older, I think around 5 or so, we decided that going to my MIL’s on Christmas Eve was too much. It left us with a lot of work to do to get the kids presents ready for the next morning and I was yearning to start traditions of our own. So we bowed out that year. It was lonely and we went the next year. Then we bowed out again. This time, it was more because of drama between my MIL and me than anything else. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. Not completely because of that because I did want the boys to grow up with a sense of Christmas tradition in their own home but the angst between my MIL and myself certainly didn’t make me feel inclined to head over there and celebrate the holiday with her.

Now instead of going to my MIL’s we stay home on Christmas Eve, just the four of us, and while it is very nice to be at home and not out running around, I would be dishonest if I said Christmas was perfect that way. It has always been my dream to celebrate a big family Christmas. When my sister and I were kids, we didn’t have any family in town until we were older, so we either traveled over the holiday or we stayed home by ourselves. Sometimes our grandparents would come up but many Christmases were spent with just the four of us. I think I’ve been seduced by all the holiday hype and marketing that says Christmas isn’t Christmas without the big family get together, I don’t know. At any rate, I feel like instead of focusing on family, I’ve been focusing on myself and what I want. Is that what I’ve been doing? Am I depriving my children of some Hallmark-perfect memories because I want to begin traditions with them of our own? Am I making it harder than it is?

Things are still rough and unsteady between my in-laws and myself. My MIL and SIL came over the day after Christmas to see the boys and give them their gifts and it was reeeeally awkward. Not on my or Sean’s parts but it was very obvious that they were uncomfortable and would have rather been anywhere else than in our home. They didn’t stay long and hugs were exchanged before they left but still. Neither of them wanted to make eye-contact with me and any that was made was incidental and brief. They had to interact with us because the kids are kids and they did their own thing. It upsets me that after all this time since our fight (one year in March) and even after an apology was given, they are still holding a grudge. Sean could care less because the way he sees it, we didn’t socialize with them much to begin with but for me I just want the boys to know them. Life isn’t perfect and relationships aren’t either. There are family members on my side that I don’t associate with for various reasons but I was hoping to spare my boys of that.

This year, Sean and the boys and I spent Christmas Eve together and it was really wonderful! This was the first year that we’ve done something where I really felt like the boys were into it and I think I can begin to see what our tradition will be. Instead of dinner, we had appetizers which was much more casual and comfortable. The boys were allowed to open the gifts they got each other and then we snuggled up and watched a couple of our favorite Christmas movies. We let the boys choose. After that, they put out the milk and cookies for Santa then headed off to bed leaving Sean and me to enjoy a little Christmas magic of our own. We watched “A Christmas Story” and “White Christmas” and wrapped the boys’ gifts before putting them under the tree. It was cozy, homey, and fun! Christmas morning was great and the boys really loved all their gifts. Later in the day, I hosted the annual Christmas dinner for my family (my in-laws are invited but never come) and it was wonderful as well. Here are a few pics for you from Christmas Day:

This is a 3-layer red velvet cake mixed with white cake. It usually has crushed peppermint candies sprinkled on the frosting but a few folks don’t like the peppermint so I omitted it this year.

You can see my sister and two BIl’s on one side with my parents on the other. You’re probably wondering about the crowns. Here is more info about them!

I hope you all have enjoyed the holidays thus far and also hope you have a very Happy New Year. We’re planning an evening similar to the one we had on Christmas Eve. Appetizers, movies, and love. Happy New Year friends!!

Ever since we made the decision to homeschool, our lives have been in a constant state of change. It’s a necessary component to parenting in general, flexibility I mean. After two and a half years though, it seems as though we have perhaps been too flexible and now we’re starting to rein things in just a bit.

Recently, we started a new bedtime routine which has really been working out incredibly well. See, neither one of my boys have been great sleepers and bedtime for years has been quite a struggle. Now though, it seems they are both old enough to appreciate how it feels to get a good night’s sleep and they have really taken to our new schedule. It used to be really hard to wake them up in the morning, too, and now they come in and wake me up some days! Not that long ago, there would be many tears and huffs and puffs when it was announced that bedtime was near. Now, when they get the 15min warning, all I hear is a cheerful, “Okay!” It’s wonderful!

Until our new routine was put into place, the kids were staying up late and getting up late. While I certainly treasured the private time to myself in the morning, it was hard for Sean and I to watch a movie or have any quality time together because the kids were always up when we were. Now, the boys and I get up in the morning and get a good start on the day. It has been a welcome change around here and I think it has really been good for all of us.

Speaking of watching movies, last night Sean and I watched a movie called, “Once” that was out last year. What a good movie it was! I loved the story although the ending left me a teensy bit sad, and I loved the soundtrack, too. If you haven’t seen it yet, I would highly recommend it and aside from the f-word being uttered a few times, it’s cool for kids to watch it as well, though they might find the subject matter boring. On the DVD, there were a couple of previews of other movies I’d like to see. One is a movie called, “The Namesake” and the other is called “waitress”. I was going to cancel Netflix but now am going to have to wait until I see these two movies!!! Hopefully I will have them by the weekend!

In addition to watching movies, I am in the middle of reading four books right now. There was a time when I would not start reading another book while already in the middle of one but now I kind of appreciate being able to divide my attention between subjects and so I find myself reading a bunch of different things! One book is called “How Much Is Enough” and is about overindulgence, not just in a child’s life but in your own. It has been a fascinating read so far and has shown me a lot about myself. Another book I’m reading is called, “Feeding the Kids” and is a 6-week course in introducing healthier food choices to your family. I like it a lot because it takes the course of not forcing them to try things but to just put it in front of them so they get used to seeing it, and eventually they will try it on their own. I’m only in the beginning of the book but it has been very interesting to say the least. Then, two other books that my mother loaned me are by the girl who played Winnie on the tv show the Wonder Years. She is really good at math and her books are called “Math Doesn’t Suck” and “Kiss My Math”. I suspect that they are geared towards girls since society tends to tell girls they can’t be good at math but since I haven’t really begun to read them yet, I can’t say for sure.

Other goings on around here…Iain is really into a book series called, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and the latest version is a journal that kids can keep for themselves. Iain has really taken to writing in it and that has been such a joy to see!

If you haven’t seen these books, try and look for them if you can. We have read them aloud and they are pretty darn funny at times.

Ryan has been watching videos on You Tube where kids have modified Lego minifigs and have made them into video game characters. As a result he has been begging me for paints of his own so he can do this himself. Well, yesterday I finally relented and bought him some paints and he very eagerly got to work.

It has been hard for him to wait for the paint to dry before moving on to the next step but he has been learning to hold on. He really loves all the detailed work that this kind of painting requires!

I have been suffering lately from a little bit of that nasty homeschooling doubt that comes up from time to time so it has really helped me to sit back and take note of these special moments that the boys have been enjoying here at home. I am just so glad that they are here and can follow their passions as they arise.

Hope all is well with you!

It has begun. The long-awaited countdown to Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever holiday you honor at this time of year. We are a secular household but still love a few time-honored traditions. One of them for me is the advent calendar. Its origins can be traced back to 19th century Germany, although my first run-in with one happened in the late 1970’s. A pair of sisters that my friends and I were friends with got them every year from their father who lived in upstate New York. Living in the South, I don’t remember ever seeing such things and they seemed incredibly exotic to my sister and I. These were the days before the internet so it wasn’t like our parents could have just googled “chocolate advent calendar” and come up with a bazillion places to order these delectable works of art. With my eyes glowing with jealousy, I would stare at my friend as she oh so carefully pried open the door on her calendar each day and waited to see what Christmasey image was molded onto the tiny chocolate inside the window. It left such an impression on me! It’s funny because as children, my sister and I didn’t want for much. Our parents spoiled us fairly well but this one thing eluded me every year until I was too old to receive one. Then, I had children of my own and came across a calendar at the grocery store one day. And a new tradition was born.

Every day the boys get up and eagerly look for the day’s date on the calendar, nearly ripping the little tab off of it in their zeal to get to the chocolate waiting for them inside. It brings me such joy to see them heads together, trying to help one another find the right flap to open, and then reveling in the sweet taste of Christmas that they find each day. While I still would love an advent calendar of my own one year, I am incredibly content to see them enjoying this simple thing and hope that it is a memory that they, too, will cherish when they have long since left home. Perhaps they will provide them for their children as well and who knows? Maybe they’ll even get one for dear old mom.

Don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the weather, the fact that I was sick for three weeks straight, the shorter days. I really don’t know exactly but, for whatever reason, I am having a hard time getting into blogging again. Not just blogging either, but all kinds of things. Finding focus has been a real struggle for me, finding motivation has been even harder, and I’m frustrated by all of it but evidently not enough to do something about it.

Is anyone else feeling this way, or is it just me?

I feel in need of inspiration but there are so many things around me that require my attention so I don’t feel like I would see it if it walked up and smacked me in the face. My brain feels scattered, my body feels tired, and my spirit feels malnourished.

Gah, I’m just whining. I’ll probably feel better in the morning.

I just had a conversation with my mother, which in and of itself is not particularly remarkable because we talk all the time. In most of the conversation I was annoyed with her as she was expressing her political and religious views of which I am the polar opposite but at the end of the conversation we had a moment. It was completely unexpected and I don’t know if it was as much a moment for her as it was for me but it washed over me like a tsunami and reverberates in me still.

It began innocently enough as a comment from her about her dogs, how one is “good” and the other is “naughty”. How she didn’t understand why they’re so different because she is the same parent to both. I said, “Well, it’s like children. Their own personalities play a huge role in who they are, no matter what the parenting style may be.” The conversation then moved to my niece and how adorable she is, and funny. My mother was trying to think of who my niece is like in our family and she wasn’t really sure of who to say when she suddenly turned her attention to Ryan. My youngest. My passionate youngest child. She said, “Now Ryan? That one is just like me. He is JUST like me!” I wasn’t sure where she was going with this because I had never noticed a similarity in their temperaments or anything so I waited for her explanation. What she told me painted such an image for me that it made me weep, quietly so she wouldn’t hear me.

Last week, the boys went over to my parents house while I went to an appointment. It was a gloomy day, gray and rainy and cold. While I was gone, my mom said that Ryan sat outside on her deck in the rain and she said that she could tell how much he loved it. She stood and watched him from the window for the longest time. He was sitting on their outside dining table, sheltered from the rain by the umbrella, and he was talking to himself and having a good old time. It reminded her of being a little girl in love with the wind. She said she would sit on the porch as a child when it was windy outside, and wrap herself up in a blanket, loving the experience of the cold wind hitting her face but being completely enveloped in the warmth that the blanket provided. She could identify with Ryan loving the idea of being exposed and protected at the same time. It was so vivid to me. As she was talking a vision formed in my mind and I could see my mother as a little girl, wrapped up in her blanket, the wind whispering around her face, imagining the excitement and joy she felt in such a simple thing. Something so simple and yet powerful enough to be with her today, and I wept. She is so afraid of life and of change and yet, in that moment I can only imagine that as a girl, she never dreamed she would end up that way. Locked in her home, afraid to drive, afraid to live and experience all the joys of life and the people around us.

I don’t know if I’m even conveying here how powerful that was for me. I don’t want Ryan to grow up and be afraid of life but I do see a tremendous amount of fear in him. I don’t want him to be in his home, looking out the window at his grandchild, remembering the liberation of feeling the rain on his face, wondering where life could have taken him. It was tremendously sad for me to see my mother this way and yet extraordinary at the same time. It has given me an incredible new perspective on who she is and why she does the things that annoy me so. It has also made me even sadder for her than I was before and believe me, I didn’t think that was possible.

I don’t have any pearls of wisdom with which to wrap this up. No conclusions to draw from this experience yet as it is just too new but I felt compelled to share it. It has brought up so many things in my mind and my heart and I don’t know how to process all of it yet. I’m sure there will be more in the days to come.

Blargh. My voice has been gone for a week and my chest has been invaded by something really heavy. I’ll be back when things improve.

A friend of mine sent this link to me in an email and I think it’s brilliant. I wanted to share with all of you 52’s out there that I’m friends with.

52 to 48 with love

Bear with me people. The first part of this post is MIL related. So, you may or may not remember our relationship with my MIL is shaky at best. Some of it is our fault and some of it is hers. We’re in a place right now where, she never calls the house to talk to the boys or check on the boys and they have to be the ones to initiate contact with her. Sad, but ok. I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to force their grandmother to spend time with them. Before Halloween, Sean took the boys over there for a visit because they had been asking to see her. For obvious reasons to those of you who read here regularly, I was not going to be the one to take them over for a visit. Well, unbeknownst to either Sean or myself, during that visit, Iain told her that they would come trick-or-treating on Halloween and she got them each a card that was waiting there for the on Oct 31st. On Halloween, we don’t go anywhere once it’s time to trick-or-treat. My mother doesn’t work so I take the kids over there early in the afternoon to get their candy. As you may recall, I got some pics of all the kids over at my mom’s house this year. Frankly, it doesn’t look much different from any other visit we have with her considering my kids are in a costume 75% of the time anyway. So, I digress. After visiting with my mom, we go home, eat dinner, wait for Sean to get home, set up our Halloween decorations in the yard and then all three of them head out to beg our neighbors for candy. I stay home to supply candy to the rest of the costumed children in the neighborhood. They come home, eat a bunch of candy, freak out, watch a movie, then go to bed. All of this without Sean or I knowing that Iain told his other grandmother that they would come over to get candy from her, too.

A couple of days later, I sent out an email with a link to all the Halloween pics I took, and didn’t get a response from Sean’s mom about them. I think I know why that is now as I was confused about it at the time. Last night, she called Sean at work to find out what to do with the boys’ Halloween cards since we didn’t bring them over like she thought we were going to. Sean didn’t know what she was talking about and she said that Iain was the one who told her that to which Sean responded, “Well it would have been nice if he had told me that.” People. Since when does a grown person rely on a nine year old to make plans? Can he drive himself there? Of course not. Why didn’t she call one of us to confirm what Iain had said? Doesn’t that seem like the sensible thing to do? I have to remind him to brush his teeth for goodness sake. I have no doubt that her feelings were hurt when my email went out with links to pictures of the boys with my mom on Halloween and none with her. She probably felt slighted. I also have no doubt that at least one thought crossed her mind that somehow I was the reason that they didn’t show up. The fact of the matter is, there is no conspiracy to keep them apart. She is the only one constructing walls here. I have emailed her countless times and have yet to receive a response to any, save one. Aside from groveling for her affection and attention I don’t know what more can be done to get her involved in the boys’ lives.

All of this is very frustrating for me. the boys want to have a relationship with her. They talk about her all the time. It just makes me sad that we have to beg for her attention. They’re going to know my parents very well. I am close with my mother and talk to her daily. They spend the night there, my parents take them out and do fun things with them, all initiated by them. When the boys grow up, they’re going to wonder why they didn’t see Sean’s mom that much and I’m not going to have a good explanation for that. Ugh.

Here’s another hot topic. Homeschooling and Obama. So, I tried very, very hard to get information from the Obama campaign regarding his stance on homeschooling. Democrats support the NEA and public education very strongly and no where on his site does he devote any space to a particular opinion on homeschooling. My requests for information were answered by reams of paper being mailed to me outlining Obama’s plan to reform the public education system and make college affordable for everyone. I got that twice. Plus they sent it to me in an email in response to one I sent complaining about the aforementioned information. Ridiculous. Today, I get this email from everyone’s favorite organization the HSLDA:
“Since the election of Barack Obama as U.S. president, HSLDA has received more than a few calls from both members and nonmembers. Some are quite concerned about the future of homeschooling under an Obama presidency…Despite HSLDA’s efforts prior to the election to get an official statement from the Obama campaign regarding their position on homeschooling, we received no response…We do know that the Democratic Party has an official position of supporting public education. The National Education Association (NEA), which is the national teachers union, is a major supporter of the Democratic Party. We know that the NEA’s position is that every child should be either taught by a certified teacher or supervised by one. Additionally, their position is that the curriculum used by all homeschoolers should be approved by the state, and children should only be able to continue to be homeschooled based upon systematic evaluation by the state.”

Ok, so scare tactics aside, I know Obama has more pressing matters to attend to when he first takes office. Homeschooling is probably not even a blip on the radar at this time. But what’s going to happen when it does show up? I’m curious what you guys think is going to happen. Are we all going to have to get certified to satisfy the NEA. God, I hope not. I have no idea where his administration would go on this issue and that perhaps is more frightening than if I knew he had a stance either way. Not knowing is so much more intimidating. If I knew his feelings or direction, at least I could begin thinking of a way to combat it. I’m still hopeful that Obama will lead from the center and won’t make any changes as far as homeschooling is concerned. The government doesn’t own my children and I just want to be sure they’re aware of that.

Ok, whew! I’m done. That was a long post for me! Hope you’re all well!

The afterglow of our monumental election results has already lost a bit of luster for me. Not because of anything that Obama has done but, after feeling like our nation has made great strides in equality for all her citizens, California allowed a ban on gay marriage to pass. California? Really? One of the most open-minded places in the country? Perhaps not as open-minded as we thought. It is really disappointing to me that even in this day and age, gay people are treated like second class citizens. I could delve more deeply into the reasons I believe that is so but will refrain from doing so. Those who know me well enough know where I’m coming from. I can only hope that this grievous error can somehow be rectified and done so very soon. It’s not right to deny them the same legal protections that we enjoy. It just isn’t.

Recently, we took a trip up to Asheville for the day to do some leaf-watching. Asheville is a quaint, charming, city made up of a diverse group of people. While we were sitting outside eating lunch, two mean approached each other and kissed. At first I was a bit shocked because we would never see something like that where we live. But then I thought, wow. It’s really wonderful that they feel comfortable enough to do that. Neither of the boys witnessed it or if they did, they didn’t react to it but they know about gay people so perhaps it wouldn’t have been that much of a surprise to them. We try very hard to instill in them a sense that there is nothing wrong with being gay. we explain that it is different from how we are but different doesn’t equal bad.

The election of Obama is a step in the right direction in many ways, we just have to extend it to all American citizens who are discriminated against. Perhaps if Obama and Biden themselves supported gay marriage things would have turned out differently in California.

And felt a sense of pride that Barack Obama was elected President last night. I’m not going to lie and say I voted for him because, I didn’t. My candidate was John McCain and I was proud last night to have voted for him. He showed incredible grace in the face of defeat and he illustrated all the things I held him to be in that moment. At the same time, I truly was glad that Obama won the election. It says so many things about us as a nation, that we are in a place where someone like Obama can be chosen overwhelmingly by the people in America to represent them. It was an amazing moment and I was moved to tears by his win. Seeing him on stage with his family was an awe-inspiring sight and I’m glad something this monumental happened in my lifetime and my children’s lifetime. I’m glad I’m old enough to appreciate the struggle our nation has gone through to get to this point and am hopeful that I can instill in my children just how important this victory is.

We all stayed up late last night. The kids are still sleeping and right now I wish I were, too, but my day has other plans for me. Right now I’m waiting on the cable company to come out and check our lines. Exciting, right? It’s rainy here today so I think we’re going to make some cookies and do some housecleaning. Even more exciting!! Now that halloween has passed, it seems like the rest of the holidays are quickly moving forward. Does it feel that way to you? We host Christmas Day dinner here at our house and I have no doubt it is going to take me that long to get the house straightened up. LOL I did a bit of that yesterday and feel like I can get the rest of the downstairs finished today. I do hate to clean though and wish I could afford a cleaning service. Of course, we’d have to get the house clean enough for them to come in here anyway so what would be the point?

I haven’t spoken much about unschooling here lately and perhaps that is because it has become such a part of our lives that I don’t think about it like I used to. Every once in a while though, something strikes me and I feel compelled to mention it. Last night Ryan was having a conversation with my husband, Sean, and it caught my ear. Apparently, Ryan and Iain had been discussing their age difference and Ryan started calculating his age at different stages of Iain’s life:

Ryan: Dada, when I’m 7, Iain will be 10. Did you know that?
Sean: I did, Ryan but that’s great that you figured that out!
Ryan: Dada, when I’m 13, Iain will be 16!

And the numbers kept climbing. It was interesting to hear him tabulate their ages in the future and it made both Sean and me smile.

As with all children, the boys interests in things ebb and flow and they have recently rediscovered a passion for Tony Hawk and skateboarding. Here are a few pics of them performing some “tricks” for me on our patio. Before anyone gets upset that they’re not wearing any gear, let me say that they were just flipping their boards, standing on them, and showing me how “real” skaters carry their boards around. I don’t want any angry comments telling me my kids are being unsafe.

I also wanted to let you all know that since I got a new camera for my birthday, I’m selling my other one on ebay along with a bunch of gear that is a perfect starter kit for anyone looking to get into photography. If you or anyone you know is interested in a camera and all the necessary gear to go along with it, check out my auction here:

I have pics of everything here. It’s a really good deal for all of that stuff!

How late were you up last night? Were your children excited to be a part of the process? Do you have Kid Voting where you live? My boys were thrilled to be able to vote. Ryan voted for Luigi for President, hee, hee!